Atticus' School for the Hopeless
by LuvinAniManga
Summary: Jaden has finally realized he has feelings for Alexis. But he needs serious help in the romancing department. Who better to help him than Alexis' own brother? Will he learn enough to sweep her off her feet successfully? Oh, what could go wrong? JxA
1. Wrong

NOTE: (Mar. 31, 2006) Okay, I want you all to know that the episode that appeared on yesterday (Thurs., Mar. 30, 2006) about Chazz and his love for Alexis and how it all involved Atticus was NOT my inspiration for this! I began writing this on **Tues. Mar. 28, 2006** and I did NOT look up any plot summaries! I was just as surprised at the episode because it reflected almost _exactly_ what I wanted to write! But it will NOT be exactly that! The plot will be slightly similar in a stretched-out version however.

So, I just wanted to repeat that I did NOT steal the plot idea – I have TWO WITNESSES! Anywho, thank you for you time.

Warning: Mini-Spoilers Contained.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX.

_**Atticus' School for the Hopeless**_

_LuvinAniManga_

**Chapter 1:**

**Wrong**

Something was not right.

Something was _definitely_ not right. I knew that much at least.

I mean, there was nothing very unusual about Alexis and me sitting down on the beach away from the society of Duel Academy. Nothing unusual about that.

We had been friends for a few years now. It's been, oh, three years since we joined the school? Yeah. I'm older now. I finally advanced onto Ra Yellow since Syrus had made his way there long before and Chumley was still off working for Pegasus. Chazz himself had moved back up into Obelisk Blue.

I had had the chance to move into the Blue dorms, but I didn't want to leave Sy. Besides, despite all the great food, bigger and solitary rooms…I kind of missed the more primitive aspects of the Slifer Dorm. Ah well.

So, I was older, in Ra Yellow and…. …And…. More…mature? Is that the word for it? I'm not sure. Maybe it's this "maturity" that was affecting my mind at the time.

Or what's happening that is completely wrong.

Back to my story.

So there was nothing wrong with us sitting on the beach.

There was nothing wrong with the fact that as the sun began to set, we turned to look at each other. Even lying on the beach in the next few moments making out wasn't what was wrong. Heck, that was fantastic! Bliss even! It was…what came next that was strange. I'll just say that things began to get unrealistic at this time. I think my vision must have been fading because I don't remember it well.

Now, to get back in the mood.

So we were kissing. Passionately. Yes, yes…I like that word. _Passion_. Not only did I have it for dueling, but apparently I had this for other things as well.

We lay out on the beach for a little while just…doing that. (Aren't I a great storyteller?) But when Alexis began to peel my yellow blazer off, two flashing lights went off in my brain.

One was a warning.

This should _not_ be happening.

The other, surprisingly, was euphoria. (Euphoria…did Bastion teach me that word? I know it always stuck with me for some reason…. Forgot I knew that word….) In fact, I was half glad that she was slipping my blazer off!

But what I did next surprised even myself. I'm ashamed to say it.

I was fiddling with her _skirt_. Not just…flipping it up or anything, like a bunch of the guys at school tried to do daily. But I was fiddling with the _zipper_.

Dangerous territory, Jaden.

"_Jaden_," she said softly, laying her head against my shoulder. I held her close, meanwhile slipping my hands just under her shirt.

Something else that was not quite right.

"Yeah, Alexis?" I breathed, not wanting to ruin the moment for some reason. The kissing I had been fine with. This…whatever-was-going-on was starting to make me jumpy.

"_Jaden_," she repeated.

"Yeah? I'm right here."

She looked up at me and smiled in a very…flirtatious way. Far more flirtatious than I've ever seen in my _life_.

She was fiddling with my clothes again. What was going on? I mean, I liked it, but at the same time, I didn't.

She leaned close to me as if to kiss me again…..

* * *

"_JADEN!"_

"_What_ the he-…llo, Syrus!" I must have vaulted out of my seat at that moment. I had caught my tongue a moment before any teachers had heard anything profane. They didn't really like profanity. It was punishable by clean-up duty. Fun.

But seriously. Syrus was _right there_ in my face. And I had been sleeping too!

Wait. I had been sleeping? Where was I anyway?

"Are you quite finished now, Mr. Slacker?"

Lord, I _hated_ that voice.

And that hair.

And those frills.

And the earrings.

And the purple _lipstick_. Honestly, what man in his _right mind_ would wear _lipstick_?

Right mind. Right. This was Dr. Crowler I was talking about. I'd have to remember that for future reference.

I stood up and bowed my head (I had learned to do this over the past three years of falling asleep during Crowler's lethal lectures), "Yes sir. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"I'll see that you hold that promise in detention! No more sleeping in my class!" he cried out.

A good half of the student population in the room raised their heads immediately. Well, at least I wasn't the only one. But I was still his favorite student to pick on. Go me.

Crowler turned back to the board teaching us something…about…something. Yeah. I'd grab the notes from Sy later and try to figure out the puzzle of his untidy scrawl, and then figure out what the heck Crowler was even trying to _say_.

Another night of riddles. Joy. At this rate, I would definitely become the next person to harness whatever Millennium Puzzle came around.

"Sy, why'd you have to wake me up?" I whispered to him once Crowler had no ears for the class once more.

Syrus grimaced. That wasn't good. "I could tell…you didn't want to be disturbed, but-"

"Mr. Truesdale! If you have something to say to that slacker, then you might as well say it to the rest of the class!"

"I have nothing to say, sir," Syrus replied, shamefully.

"Detention for you too!" Crowler frowned. His hawk-like, beady eyes scourged the room, looking for anymore trouble makers. I had learned to read these signs over the years as well.

"Very well then," he looked somewhat satisfied. "If you would all turn to page three-hundred sixty-three and do the first three exercises as class work. The next five will be your homework.

Then came the universal groan. Moans from the Slifers, groans from the Ras and sighs from the Obelisks.

I had figured out a while ago that I really ought to do class work. It really helped my grade in ways unimaginable. As for homework…. Well, there I had to call myself a Slifer Slacker as well. I mean, I did it! …During class…right before we had to hand it in. …And at lunch. …And in other classes….

The point was: I did my homework. Just not…at "home."

Crowler said we could work in groups of up to four. Thank goodness! Now most of the work was cut!

I grabbed Syrus' arm and dragged him up the steps to one of the top rows, "Let's find Alexis. She's always willing to help us-"

I stopped.

It was disgusting.

Utterly, atrociously, repulsing! I nearly gagged on the spot.

Mr. High-and-Mighty-Once-Again-a-King-of-the-Obelisks Chazz Princeton was sitting next to Alexis, _working_ with her.

It made me sick.

For no reason whatsoever.

Seriously…I had a serious case of the Monday-Stomach Blues. I think I ate too many pancakes this morning. Two of mine…most of Sy's (he doesn't always stomach breakfast too well)…some bacon…so eggs…a _lot_ of eggs…. Okay, maybe I _did_ eat too much.

Now then. Chazz was sitting there. In _my_ usual seat. Working with my…_our_ partner, Alexis.

Why could we not all work together? Well, his two old buddies were working along with them.

Great. Just _great_.

I don't have a problem with Chazz. He's a nice guy, really! And we had some good times back in Sliferdom. But seeing him sitting there….

Okay, even _I _think I'm starting to sound a little obsessive.

"I guess we get to work with just Bastion," I told Syrus. What was I saying? _Only_ Bastion? He'd have all the work done for us in two minutes flat! We timed him once. Our record has been two minutes, forty-seven seconds and thirty-two milliseconds.

And fifty-eight nanoseconds, according to Bastion. Whatever nanoseconds are. I knew only the basics.

We ran down the steps over to Bastion's seat.

Three extra places were already filled.

Great. Just _great_.

* * *

Of course, Sy and I were the last ones finished with the class work. But the rest of the students looked at us happily. We had cost everyone class time, meaning they got to goof off while we worked tirelessly on those stupid exercises. I will admit, it _was_ better than Crowler's lessons.

Still I shiver at the thought.

After that class, we had lunch. Good old joyous best-time-of-the-day lunch! My stomach was still acting up a bit, but it would just have to live with it. I mean, come on. Food or comfort?

Food.

Definitely.

Jaden Yuki's number one rule in life:

Never deny thyself beautiful, God-given food.

It was like my commandment. To break it was a mortal sin.

So I would pay for it tonight at midnight, tossing, turning, groaning, and running to the bathroom constantly? I did not like to think of the future. Only the here and now.

That philosophy was going to change soon.

Syrus and I sat down at the only table left in the cafeteria. Only two chairs had been left at it: the others had been stripped away from it to occupy cramped spaces at other tables. But we were just fine with that.

After setting down our delicious lunch trays (today's special was Italian! Gotta love that pasta Dorothy makes…) we just ate away.

That's when I remembered what I had wanted to ask him.

"So Sy, why _did_ you wake me up? Usually you at least wait until five minutes before class gets out."

Syrus choked on his milk. "Yeah, um, Jaden…about that…. Were you…by any chance…dreaming about…Alexis-or-anything-of-that-nature?" he blurted out that last part so quickly I almost missed it.

I blinked, looking at him shrewdly, "Why do you ask?"

"Well," he poked his index fingers together, "you were…talking in your sleep…again. Not enough that you do it at night. I never got a decent night's rest back in Slifer. But anyway! You were mumbling again. People around us were starting to…stare. Luckily, Alexis was further back than usual…."

"What was I saying?" I asked, somewhat scared to find out. If I had said anything like what my dream had been like-

Well, I didn't _want_ to know.

Syrus folded his hands together and put them near his chin. I knew that pose. He was going into theatrics again. Seriously, if he failed dueling –which you will _never_ hear me talking about him like that- he should really try out for acting. He'd be great at it!

"You said something along the lines of, "Oh, _Alexis,_" and "I'm _here_ for you," and you were making these weird little noises too…almost like you were _enjoying_ whatever was going on in that head of yours."

I could not stop the little bit of red that escaped to my cheeks. "I…I did not say that!" I was probably lying. I vaguely remember saying _something_ along those lines….

"Alright, you got me," Syrus put a finger to his chin, "It was actually more like, "Oh Alexis, I can't _tell_ you how much I'm in love with you! I'm head over heels-!"

"Stop that!" I hit his shoulder playfully. He just laughed.

"What's so funny over here?"

Both of us looked up at the same time. Speak of the devil herself.

Alexis looked around the table, "Ah, no room left? Everywhere else is packed too. I think some chairs have been stolen from the room."

"Nah," Syrus stood up, "I'll go grab a chair over there! Just take my seat!" and with a quick wink at me, he left to go find some chair that he was obviously never going to find.

Some days, I could wring his scrawny little neck.

And then Zane would wring my neck.

It'd be a whole chain of neck-wringing. …Who would wring Zane's neck? I couldn't think of anyone at the moment….

Alexis took Syrus's seat and began eating. I had already cleaned my plate down to the plastic. Syrus had timed me before. The record for my lunch disappearing was six minutes, forty-eight seconds, and twenty-two milliseconds.

Oh, and Bastion was there. He said something like thirty-five nanoseconds.

Honestly, why are we always counting down to the bare minimum? It's a bit strange really….

So, Syrus Truesdale-Traitor left me to fend for myself next to Alexis.

What kind of friend is he?

And why am I getting so worked up about this? It's not like my feelings towards Alexis have changed or anything! We're still really great friends! Nothing has changed about that.

I'm only freaking out because of that _really_ weird dream I had. What were we trying to do anyway; take off each other's clothes? Where would that get us?

I'm clueless.

"Fell asleep in class again, did you?" Alexis looked at me accusingly.

I gave her an apologetic look, "Sorry…but it happens."

"What time do you go to bed anyway?"

"…Nine-thirty."

"So early and yet you sleep the whole day?"

"Oh, come on Alexis, it's _Crowler's_ class. Who doesn't fall asleep?"

Alexis screwed up her mouth, "As true as that is, you should still try to pay more attention. I don't know how you've passed these last couple of years. But we're graduating this year, Jay. This year, everything counts."

"I know. I'm working on it. My grades have improved: you have to admit."

"I don't deny it. Nevertheless, if you paid more attention, your grades would improve even more."

"So are you saying you don't like my slacking habits? You'd like me better if I was more of a "model student" like Zane or Chazz?"

She looked somewhat irritated and hurt, "I didn't say that Jaden! Don't put words in my mouth! I like you just the way you are! I'm just saying that there's always room for improvement."

I nodded slowly and turned my gaze away from her to look out over the cafeteria. Syrus was nowhere to be found.

His new name was to be Benedict Arnold.

"What are you planning to do after you graduate?" I randomly asked her.

Alexis stopped eating for a moment. "Well…I was planning on doing something in dueling. I'm not exactly sure in what field though." She paused and then asked, "What about you?"

"I want to go into Game Designing. I want to take Duel Monsters to new levels. Like…how Dungeon Dice Monsters uses Duel Monsters, but in a dice form," I answered sincerely, feeling a smile of anticipation creep up my face.

Alexis looked shocked, "Game design? Really? I thought you wanted to be a professional dueler or something!"

"Maybe in my spare time." She just laughed. I looked at her incredulously, "What's wrong with that?"

She just shook her head, "You just have so many ambitions, Jay. I'd pay to see them all fulfilled. I want to see how you make out your life." I smiled at her. That really meant something. She smiled sweetly in return. I felt the spaghetti in my stomach flip over. What was that all about?

I ignored the feeling. "So, you're not sure about what field to go into? Hmmm, professional duelist?"

"It's a possibility," she took a sip of her water, "Hey, we could be rivals you know. That'd be fun." I nodded enthusiastically.

"What about…" I put a finger to my chin, trying to think, "some position in a company like Kaiba Corp., or Industrial Illusions? You'd rock at that! You're organized, smart, fast at work, but still great at it, and…and…." I faltered. What else was related to work that I could say about her? I would have said she was really pretty, but that had _nothing_ to do with the conversation at the moment. And I wasn't about to make a fool out of myself. If I had said something like that to her, she would most surely have whisked me off to the clinic to see what was wrong with my head. I'm just not that type of guy…. I think.

Alexis tilted her head, "That's really sweet…but I'm curious as to what else you wanted to say. And what?"

I shrugged, "I don't know: everything! You're just perfect I guess."

"Stop it! I am not!" she shoved my shoulder playfully. She was blushing too.

"Are too," I poked her bare shoulder.

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"My, my, my, what do we have here? Flirting, are we?" I stopped and looked up behind me.

"Atticus!" Alexis frowned up at him, "We are not flirting! Why must you always butt into my social life? …Is it your job to poke at my non-existent romance life or something?"

"But of course," Atticus smiled. Several girls at the tables around us swooned. How did he do that?

* * *

After lunch, I went back to my room for a little bit: just to rest before the afternoon classes. I opened my door, only to find Syrus lying on my bed throwing a small hackey-sack up in the air.

"So how'd it go?" he asked causally, catching the sack.

I walked over to him and yanked my pillow out from under his head. "You are a dead man."

* * *

Yes! That is the first chapter to my new GX story! I hope you liked it! I hope it was funny enough for a beginning, haha. It was successful to my first two readers…. Anywho! Yes, Jaden is going to be a little sheltered and unknowing about the more intimate aspects of a romantic life, but that will all change…next chapter I think? In other words, he still doesn't know what a fiancé is, or sex for that matter (hence all that "wrong" stuff up there). Anywho, I still hope you enjoyed it! I had so much fun writing it! PLEASE REVIEW! 


	2. Lesson One: A Three Letter Word

NOTE: I know…this was the one I just updated. Sorry for you people who are waiting for other fics. I tried to do them in the order they must be done, but I just can't get into moods sometimes. Please bear with me. I'm trying my best. But I knew I needed to write something, and this felt like the right something.

PS: Uhm…some of you expressed some interests not to see this go into the whole "sex" thing. I'm not going to say that it isn't…but it doesn't delve that deeply. And for now, it's only this chapter that really deals with it (I think). It may come back later to haunt. But yeah: don't stop reading just because of that! It comes in a more-funny-and-not-serious type of situation. …Yeah.

Disclaimers: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!

**Chapter 2:**

**Lesson One: A Three-Letter Word**

Okay, Syrus has _seriously_ been bugging the _heck_ out of me lately.

And I use the word "heck" _lightly._

It's nonstop I tell you! "Alexis this" and "Alexis that" and "tell her how you feel" and "I always knew you felt that way" and GAH! WHY IS HE CONSTANTLY HOVERING!

Hovering….

_Hovering…._ …_Hiss._

I feel strangely void of _personal space_ as of late. I mean, does he have _proof_ that I feel anything for Alexis? What proof does he have?

So we were in the computer labs today, and I asked him. I couldn't wait to hear his lame "I just had a feeling" answer and crap like that.

I sat next to him at a station and smugly asked the question.

Syrus looked at me strangely for a second as if I was missing something big. He then took off his glasses and began to clean them with the end of his blazer.

"Well for starters, it all began when you were talking in your sleep about her that one day in class a couple weeks ago. And then, get this, when I come over to wake you up in the morning, seven out of ten times you're muttering more stuff about her."

I blushed. Since _when_? I had _no_ recollections of dreaming about Alexis! None whatsoever!

Well…there was that one with the really skimpy bikini she was flouncing about in-

Okay. Bad territory again. I pounded my head, trying to get some sense into my brain and rid myself of that gosh-darn beaut- I mean…_terrible_ image.

My actions must have been none too discreet. Syrus cocked his head to the side, "Something wrong Jay?"

"Nothing!" I put out my hands. "But…if that's all, then you really have no proof. I mean, only _I _know what was going on in my head…. It was just...dueling dreams. You know?"

"Sure they were," Syrus rolled his eyes and replaced his glasses, "So then what about the picture of her you have stashed in your desk?"

"Hey, that is a _school_ photo! …I have yours and Bastion's in there too…. Friends, you know? I get 'em and I put them…in the most vacant spot I can…."

"Uh huh," Sy looked at me shrewdly. I got the feeling he was trying to think up something really tough that I wouldn't be able to counter.

Fat chance. Everything he had said as of yet amounted to nothing! Nothing could change my mind that I thought of Alexis on a pure friendship basis.

"You stare at her in class when you're not sleeping."

"She…sits in front of me."

"Not all the time."

"Would you rather watch Crowler?"

"No, but there are plenty of other girls to look at."

"What's your point?"

"Never mind. Hmmm…. Really, Jay, I can't think up anything big. All I can say is that your making-a big-deal-about-it proves that you like her. Denial is the first step towards love. Acceptance is step two. Revelation is the third step. Three easy steps my friend: they will get you everywhere in life."

"I heard that Acceptance was the first step to…."

"Recovery. Acceptance is the first step to mental recovery. Trust me: I would know."

"…Then how do you know about the three steps to love?"

"…Ask no questions and you shall receive no answers."

"It has nothing to do with the fact that Zane has a girlfriend now and you were looking for pointers?"

Syrus tensed up and hesitated, "O-Of course not! What are you thinking?" he laughed nervously. I sighed. Same old Syrus.

"So," Syrus leaned in, lowering his voice to a whisper, "Do you deny liking Alexis?"

I was about to answer yes, when I remembered that denial was the first step. …But if I said I didn't deny it, then I would be saying I liked her. …But I don't. …But is that denying it? Or is that the truth?

I am _so _confused!

"Ack, leave me alone, Sy! …My feeble brain can't handle these puzzles!"

Syrus leaned back and laughed, "You know, there was once a time where I said to myself, "If a second Millennium Puzzle came into the world, Jaden Yuki would be the one to solve it.""

I looked up, "Why did you say that?"

"…I don't remember. I just remember saying it. It was sometime during the Sacred Beasts fiasco."

"Oh." I thought about it. Nope, I couldn't think up anything I would have done to deserve such a comment.

"Come on then," Syrus turned back to his computer, "We had better continue looking up these dueling term definitions. Honestly though, we're in our final year, and we're stilling looking up definitions? That's first year work."

"Hey, I don't mind the easy homework," I replied, opening up the online dictionary. In no time, I was done. How simple was looking stuff up in a dictionary? Even I knew how to use one!

I rested my head on my hand and leaned on the table, staring at the screen. Was there anything else I wanted to look up? Anything that I wanted to know?

Something suddenly hit me. I hadn't thought about it in years, and it just hit me like Monday morning.

"Hey Sy," I started out slowly, "How do you spell fiancé?"

Syrus looked over at me, trying to hold back laughter, I was sure, "Why?"

"No reason, I just want to know. I mean…it sounds like one of those weird French words that you can't ever tell how to spell phonetically."

"Well you're right about that. And I know you're a hopeless speller. Well, it's F-I-A-N-C-E with one of those accents over the E. But I think computers automatically put those in."

"I see," I nodded, trying to remember how to spell it. "Well, thanks."

"No problem. You staying here?" he asked, getting out of his chair.

"Yeah. I'll be in later, I just want to check on some stuff."

"Okay. Later," he left.

Finally.

I quickly typed the word in before I forgot how to spell it in its Frenchiness. And then the definition popped up.

"A man engaged to be married," I read quietly to myself. I tried to remember why that word had come up. Ah, that's right. That tennis dude came here and dueled me to find out who would be…Alexis'…fian…ce….

…

…

Was I REALLY that naïve! I actually _believed_ Alexis when she said it meant "friends?" Well…she did say "for now." But still! He was dueling me to _marry her_? How old was the guy? Eighteen! What is going on in this world, I ask you!

…And I actually _said_ I was her fiancé? I made more of a fool of myself than I had thought!

I put my hands over my head and rested my forehead on the table. What a complete and utter fool I was. I wondered what else I was innocent about? There must be a whole other world out there that I have no knowledge of.

All these dreams I've been having, for example. To the Jaden that is me, they seem terribly wrong and…they shouldn't be in my head. But to my subconscious…my innate Jaden…they are _very_ pleasing and…yeah. There was something about seeing Alexis half-naked….

Shoot me now; what was I getting myself into?

I refused to believe that these…_feelings_…these _desires_ were natural. I refused it!

But…if they were happening to me, a person knowing nothing about what was going on, who was to say that it didn't happen to everyone? Maybe I really was just an innocent fool.

But isn't being innocent always the best way to go?

Maybe in some cases. In others, I wasn't so sure.

I was about to exit out of the window when Chazz Princeton suddenly pushed down on my head, looking over it at the screen.

"What the heck or you doing, slacker?" he asked me, highly confused.

"Nothing…just typing in random words to look up."

"You must be pretty bored," he stared hard. He suddenly smirked, "Or the words aren't very random at all."

I blinked slowly, trying to get out from under his hands, "What could you be talking about?"

He pulled back and crossed his arms, looking down evilly at me. I wanted to punch the look right through his face, it was creeping me out so badly.

"I heard a story a while ago. …Something about you dueling some tennis geek to be Alexis's fiancé. Turned out you won. The interesting thing I heard though was that you were completely clueless."

I stood up, pointing a finger at him, "Hey now, don't go believing every rumor you hear!"

He looked past me at the computer screen, "I don't really think it's a rumor Jaden. I had my doubts before, but I never really dismissed the idea that you really were that naïve. You're a good duelist and all but…I think you're missing a few facts in the ways of life."

"What are you talking about?" I lowered my finger.

He smirked again, "I knew it! You _are_ clueless, aren't you?"

"I'm not clueless!" I crossed my arms defiantly.

"Sure you're not. That's why you've never told Alexis how you feel: because you don't know how to do it."

I stared at him. Just who was Syrus talking to!

"What the heck are you talking about? I don't feel…_anything_ for Alexis!" I retorted angrily. Was no one going to give me a break about that?

"Syrus doesn't think so. And the more I think about it, the more I don't think so either."

"Why is Sy spreading all these lies!" I tore at my hair. Was privacy not sacred anymore?

"He needed someone to…talk to about all this. He just happened to come across the person who had…expressed…emotions for Alexis beforehand."

I got a bit of curiosity wedged in me, "And…this means you don't like her anymore?"

Chazz laughed, "As a friend, totally. As a babe, heck no. I was over her fast. Mindy's a bit more…_intriguing_, if you get my drift."

I watched him closely, "No…I don't speak French."

Chazz blew a gasket, "It's not French, you idiot! It's suggestive talk!"

"Suggestive…about what?"

"Oh my God, were you brought up in a _hole_!"

I furrowed my brows, not seeing where any of this was going, "No…I lived in an orphanage. Why would you think I lived in a hole, Chazz?"

Something seemed to stop him from his continual rants, "Wait…you lived in an orphanage?"

I cocked my head, "Well yeah. I thought all my friends knew that. I mean, it's not like I have any siblings like the rest of you do. Or if I did, my parents never told me before they died," I gave a small laugh.

Chazz looked at me seriously, "Do you not miss your parents at all then?"

This took me by surprise. I scratched the back of my head, "Well, yeah, I guess I miss 'em. I just…never really gave too much thought to them. They died when I was five, so I never really knew them all that well."

"Oh," he muttered, looking at the floor. "Well, I guess some stuff makes sense now. …But still," she looked back up at me, narrowing his eyes, "You need some serious education. I'll start you off, but I'll have no part to play in this afterwards. Go talk to _him_ for further knowledge."

"What are you talking about? What do I need to know?" I turned around as Chazz swept by me and landed at my computer. He began typing things into the computer.

He stopped typing and turned around to face me directly, "Okay, tell me now, guy-to-guy, if you've been…feeling weird lately."

I stood back, "Maybe…. Why?"

He grinned again, "Uh huh. Please tell me you know _why_ you feel this way."

"Because…ummm…." I didn't want to say that thinking about Alexis made me this way. It was way too embarrassing, and wasn't I supposed to be denying that I liked her?

"I take that as the response, "I feel like this because I like Alexis,"" he mimicked in a high voice. Just hearing it made my throat it, and my hand instinctively flew up to my own neck.

"My voice isn't _that_ high-"

"Pay attention, slacker! This is hard enough to say without you getting off track!" Chazz looked back at the computer, hovering over the keyboard.

"Why? What's so hard about telling me what point you say I'm obviously missing?"

"Because…it's just not that easy!" his hands pounded on the table. I looked around. Good thing we were the last people in the lab. "I don't even know what you know anymore! This stuff is common knowledge to people our age, and yet you're acting as if you've never heard of these terms before in your life! I mean, come on! Two years ago, you didn't know the term "fiancé" which is as…tame as it can get! I'm sure you're clueless about everything now!"

"Well, what's this _everything_ I'm supposed to know about?" I shot back. Would he just come out and say it already! Golly, this was getting _annoying_!

"Alright, alright, fine," Chazz took a deep breath and put his fingers to his forehead, trying to calm himself. He kept his eyes closed. Slowly, but surely, he asked me, "Tell me…_tell me_ you know…what…sex is."

I rolled my eyes. Was that all? He was having a cow about that?

"Chazz, what are you trying to pull-?"

"Do you or do you not!"

I groaned, "Well of course! What kind of an idiot do you take me for? Even I know what that is!"

Chazz opened his eyes, "Alright…maybe you're not as sheltered as I thou-"

"I mean, it's just another word for "gender," right? Is that all I need to know? Geez, Chazz-"

"I have heard…of sheltered kids. But this…_this_ crosses the line! Lord in Heaven, help me now! Jaden, where have you _been_? Did you grow up _that isolated_?"

I flinched away from the terrifiyingness that was Chazz. He was pretty darn scary when he was angry.

Chazz cracked his knuckles.

Okay, my bad. REALLY scary.

"D-Did I say something wrong? Is that not the right definition?"

"Oh, it's right all right…it's just the wrong one!" He was up in my face now, seriously looking like he was about to strangle me.

Hmm…strangle…as to wring…as to…. Hmm…would Chazz be worthy of wringing Zane's neck? You know, I'm never going to let that go until I find the answer! Before I die, I _will_ come up with that answer!

But back to the ever increasingly scary situation at hand.

"What? There are two definitions?"

"Good _Lord_!" Chazz threw his hands up into the air. "I give up! I give up! Smite me down now, because I. Give. Up!" He turned around and both glared and advised me well at the same time.

Freaky.

"Jaden Yuki, if you _ever_ want to reclaim the dignity of…_any_ manhood you've got, so help you God and go read a dictionary! If I have to force your face into a screen to make you look up the other definition, I will! I'm sorry, but a guy your age should just…_know_! It's just…_wrong_ not to!" And with that, he stormed out of the room, clearly very, _very_ angry.

I slowly looked back at the blinking computer screen. Was my ignorance really that bad? Well, if it would get me off Chazz's death list, then so be it.

I sat down at the computer and raised my hands to type in the word.

I don't know, but even thinking about what Chazz said sent an involuntary trigger to my mind. Something about that word just…didn't ring right. Call me crazy, but I was seriously debating over looking up that word.

But then, what could be so bad about looking up a single word? I mean, what's so bad about a word? Sure, I know there are cuss words and all that, but something told me this wasn't the same. Besides, Chazz didn't cuss. If he did, it would be just like…Syrus passing as the number one student in our year of the academy.

Sorry Sy, but it was never going to happen.

I took a deep breath. All intuition was going bonkers in my head about now. But what had to be done, had to be done.

I typed in the simple three-letter word and pressed ENTER.

* * *

I was going to _murder_ Chazz Boniface Princeton.

Don't ask me about that middle name. It freaked me out the first time I read it too (no way in heck Chazz would actually say it _aloud_).

But I swear…he was a dead man already as far as I was concerned. Far before I had staggered out of the lab had he been a marked man.

I promised myself that if I hurled, it would be all over that…that….

Okay, _no_ insult was good enough for _that_.

Why.

That's all I want to know.

_Why_ did he make me read that? _Why_! It was…inhumane! You know…the things we found out people can do everyday just make the world a stranger and scarier place.

I mean come _on_. That was just…_sick_. Bodies should _never_ be used like that!

Did he say _everyone_ my age knew about this? He talked about it like it was almost a good thing!

Where was my knife? I needed to get it sharpened for the dawn kill.

Under other circumstances, say…had the matron back home told me what was going on, I would have dismissed it as some sick lie. Maybe I'd have thought I misheard what she said.

But this…this was proof. The best dictionary site online…along with rereading that definition _seven_ times to make sure I hadn't misread it the past six!...was enough to make me say that it must be true.

As the old saying goes: sometimes, the truth hurts.

Oh, did it _hurt_.

Well…it really just made me kinda nauseous, but you get the picture.

Still, what relevance was there in reading that! We were talking about nothing of the kind! What did Chazz have to bring it up for? What was the point? A few more years of not knowing wouldn't have done anything terrible!

In fact…going my whole _life_ without knowing would have been a better route! That was just…I don't even have anymore words to describe it! …That's a condition that seems to be pouncing up on me everywhere. Come on, we can't _all_ be the Bastion's Edition Pocket-Dictionary.

I meandered back to my room in the Ra Yellow Dorms, and was planning on going to take a cold shower and go straight to bed. I was pretty sure that a shower might rid me of the thoughts, but a warm shower would just make them worse. Shock equals brain lapse. …Let's go with that theory.

I unlocked my door and thrust it open, suddenly freezing in the threshold.

"…What are you doing, Sy?"

Syrus looked up from my desk. He was holding something in his hand. "Oh, hey Jay. Just waiting for you to get back is all. I was tiding over by looking at this great picture. Geez man, why are you holding out? Where did you _get_ this?"

"What is it?" I asked, walking over to stand behind him. He showed it to me and I gulped.

"Only the sexiest picture around of Alexis. I knew you had something for her, but stashing _this_ in your desk? Man, Jaden." Alright, so she was in a really _great_ and _nicely_ fitting…kinda low-cut…dress from that dance last year….

If I recall, I slept through it back in my dorm. …Best night of sleep that year, that was.

Hold it. _Sexiest_? Oh man, I had totally forgotten in just two minutes about all that crap until now! SYRUS! I barely remember groaning and going over to fall on my bed. Syrus was over in a flash wondering what was wrong.

"Sy…just let me be for the night. My head's a mess with…well, it's just on overload. I need sleep or something."

"I doubt you'll get any with it on overload," Syrus crossed his arms.

"You're right," I sighed. It was possible for me to fall asleep during class and at night (I never had anything on my mind at night except sleep) but this was completely different.

He suddenly snapped his fingers, "I know! Where's your Chemistry book?"

I blinked, "In my backpack. Where it shall stay for eternity and rot."

"Right," he nodded, going to my sack. He pulled out the chemistry book and flipped it open.

"Just read what we'll need to read in a couple days and knowing you, you'll be bored out of your wits and fall asleep right then and there."

I nodded slowly and took the book. It made perfect sense. Many a time had I fallen asleep atop a book trying to decipher the vast amounts of text that was written only because some people with no lives whatsoever decided to write something in the spare time that they called Life.

"Thanks," I said.

Syrus nodded, "No problem. …Though I never thought I'd be telling _you_ to use homework to go to sleep with. Oh well. Maybe we can talk about what's bothering you tomorrow. Night!"

My face fell. I had forgotten, yet again, about what was bothering me, and Sy had brought it up, _yet again_! What was wrong with the little guy!

"Bye Sy…" I gave a feeble wave.

* * *

"Now, can anyone tell me what the molarity of a solution is?" Dr. Crowler looked around his classroom the next day. No one was raising his hand.

"No one? Really?" He looked around again. His eyes suddenly widened and asked hesitantly, "…Jaden…?"

I recited in a bored voice, "The molarity of a solution is the moles of the solute over the amount of solvent in liters. It is symbolized with a capital M so as not to confuse it with molality –which has a little m- and refers to the moles of solute over the mass in kilograms of solvent."

Next thing I knew, Crowler was on the floor having a heart attack.

Just kidding.

But really, I think if he could have self-induced one, he would have. His eyes were wide open and his mouth practically hit the floor.

"Jaden Yuki…reading a section ahead of time! It's unheard of! …Who are you and what have you done with Slacker?"

"It's me, Teach," I answered, fiddling with a pencil, "I just…read."

"Kill me now," Crowler shook his head. "But yes, Jaden's…right. Savor the word, you won't hear it again, I'm sure."

"Thanks," I muttered, though a small smile crossed my lips. Crowler continued with the lesson I already knew, and Syrus stared at me, dumbstruck.

"…Did you actually _read_ it?"

"I had nothing better to do all night."

"You didn't fall asleep!"

"I couldn't. Every time I tried…_visions_ came into my head. So I tried concentrating on reading. I read two whole dang chapters overnight."

"And you're not tired?"

I yawned, "Of course I am! Who wouldn't be after reading the most boring book in the world all night long? I just…couldn't fall asleep is all."

"We need to talk," Syrus declared.

"Whatever."

* * *

Syrus and I decided to have lunch outside. Or rather, Syrus decided and dragged me along. He sat me down on the grass and plopped right across from me.

"Okay, Jay, what's up? You've been acting weird since last night, and I want to know what's bugging you."

"It's…nothing really, Sy. Just some normal thing that everyone…knows about at some point." Insert inward cringe here.

"Come on, Jaden! I'm your best friend! Well, at least I hope-"

I sat up straight, "Well of course you are, Sy! Whatever gave you the idea you weren't?"

Syrus shrugged, "I dunno…. You just…haven't talked to me about anything major lately. Remember how we always used to tell everything to each other? It seems that…we haven't really done that. I don't know if we're just too busy or whatnot, or if-"

I sighed. Should I really tell him? Would he laugh? Would he be "disgusted," kind of like Chazz seemed last night?

I let my eyes wander around the courtyard. I stopped. Speak of the devil himself.

I suddenly forgot about Syrus sitting there, and my one-track mind was in full gear. I stood up, clenched my fists, and began walking over there heavily.

I barely heard Syrus behind me, asking me what the heck I was doing. All I knew was that when I reached Chazz –who was with Mindy at the time- I just stood there and glared at him.

Now that I reflect upon this moment, it seemed like a very, _very_ stupid way to get my point across.

He seemed to notice me after a moment, "What do you want?"

I continued to glare, "You…are so _dead_."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "And why would this be?"

"I bet you can guess. It's only a simple three letter word, after all."

It took Chazz a moment, but then recognition stumbled all over his face. He actually looked…surprised. "You mean you _read_ it? You actually did something I told you and _read_ it?"

"What did you expect me to do? Feel like a fool for the rest of my life!" my hands flew up into the air.

"Well you would have been if I hadn't made you read it."

"Well, I'm _really_ wishing you didn't!"

"Why? Everyone-"

"Screw everyone! It was…_vile_!"

Chazz snorted and looked like he was about to choke. Mindy looked back and forth at us, "Umm…what was vile?"

"Jaden, what's going on?" Syrus came up beside me, "I can hear you argument a mile away."

Chazz suddenly burst out laughing, "I bet…haha! I bet you don't even…even get the connotation…of what…you just said!" He looked like his spleen was going to pop out.

I say spleen, because that seems to be the random organ that everyone likes to say they've lost when they "bust a gut." …What does a spleen even _do?_

It didn't look like Chazz was going to let up anytime soon, so I took my leave and left. Of course, with this little commotion, Syrus wanted some explaining done.

* * *

"He made you read _what?_"

"You heard me," I turned my head away, feeling my cheeks grow warm, "I'm not saying it again."

"Wow…what a way for someone to learn," Syrus scrunched up his eyebrows and stared hard at the floor. "Then again, I'm kinda surprised you didn't already know. Ev-"

"Everyone knows by this age, I know! He told me that too," I crossed my arms and lay against the wall on my bed.

"So that's why you've been acting strange today. I get ya. I understand. It freaked me out when I first heard about it too. Then we actually had a _class_ about it," he shivered visibly. "It was embarrassing enough to be in the class, but to read about everything! I mean…guys had to learn about girls, and girls had to learn about guys-"

"Say what now?" I looked at him.

"Never mind!" Syrus shot up from the chair, "You don't want to know and I don't want to tell you. Frankly, I've been trying to erase those lessons from my mind for years now. Anywho, I'm going to go to bed now." He walked over to my door and stopped.

"Say Jaden…was it really that random that Chazz told you to read that?"

"I was kinda looking up other stuff that…relates, I suppose. In an off sort of way."

"Oh. Well, goodnight then," he opened the door. Just as he stepped out and was about to close it, he stopped. "And Jay? You really shouldn't keep stuff in like that. And I'm not just talking about what happened last night. There are…other obvious problems you're having and you should really settle them."

I looked at him strangely, "What are you talking about?"

He turned back to look at me, "Really, Jaden, it's obvious you like her, so just…settle everything out in your head and get a move on! Otherwise, it'll be too late. And I just don't want to see you hurt is all. We're all graduating this year, and she's had a number of people already asking to date her."

"Who are you ta-"

"Oh, don't even start, Jaden!" Syrus yelled. I jumped. I had _never_ heard Syrus yell like that before. "I'm just trying to help you! But…I know I can't do everything, so I'd recommend going to the guy who knows her best."

Before I could ask anything, Syrus slammed the door shut, and the windows rattled.

I fell back onto my bed.

Was it really that obvious to everyone except me that I…dare I say it, liked Alexis? Syrus seemed pretty heck-bent on the idea, and I think Chazz was getting the drift too.

But what about all this, "Going to the guy who knew her best?" What did that mean?

And then it hit me.

Not only was it practically obligatory that I go see him, it was…a _rule_. An unwritten rule, but a rule nonetheless. Anyone, _anyone,_ who wanted to even just date Alexis, or ask her to a dance, had to go see _him_ first. If he deemed you worthy, you were safe. If he didn't, and he saw you around her anyway, well…let's just say your name was already on one of the hospital beds.

Alright, so maybe he could help me sort out what I was feeling. I wasn't necessarily in love, but he would know, wouldn't he? He's been there, done that…I think. I mean, he's old enough to have gone through the same thing, right? He could help me. I mean, he had helped Chazz last time…although that came out _really_ scary.

Note to self: make sure to _burn_ the ukulele and flower wreath before ever setting step near Alexis.

It was decided. Tomorrow was Saturday: a good day to think about things and talk to people.

Tomorrow, I would go see Atticus Rhodes.

* * *

And there you have it! Sorry again for the bits of…yeah. But I hope I had enough humor in there to balance it out! Hope you all liked it! It was quite fun to write! Except…the ending wasn't quite as good as I wanted, but I tried my best to end it as well as possible and leave it where I needed. And yes, from now on, the chapters are "Lessons." Anywho, I have more plans for this, so just stay tuned! And PLEASE REVIEW:-D 


	3. Lesson Two: The Female

NOTE: I'm back! Anywho, a lot of you were wondering about how Atticus was there. I don't remember if I explained it, but I will make sure to this chapter. Okies? Okay! So read on! Hope you enjoy!

PS: Sorry for the wait. This was supposed to be up Wednesday night, but the document manager was all screwed up until now. Just so you know, I've been ready! IT was the internet keeping me back! Anywho, read on!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX.

**Chapter 3:**

**Lesson Two: **

**The Female**

I didn't know when to go see Atticus. Six AM was too early and…well, eight just seemed too late. By then everyone in the school was up! I mean, it's Saturday for cryin' out loud! A couple hours of sleeping in is enough, right? I know Sy is always up by eight.

…Not that me banging on the door at seven fifty-nine is the cause or anything….

Besides, I didn't want the world to know that I was going to see Atticus. Unless a male student goes to see Atticus for academic reasons, _everyone_ can more-than-guess that it is an Alexis-related situation.

I decided on an average time: seven o' clock AM. It seemed pretty good to me. I had had enough sleep by that time.

Not that sleeping through classes on Friday had anything to do with it….

So at precisely six fifty-two in the morning on this wonderfully bright and shining Saturday morning...in the chilling October….

…That was an oxymoron my dear friends.

To put it simply: October began the cold time of year.

I was freezing my butt off. Maybe those yellow blazers aren't as warm as I thought they were.

Nevertheless, I zoomed over to the teacher's dorm-

…Why are you amazed? …Didn't I mention…that Atticus became the full-time Duel Monsters History teacher after he graduated and Professor Banner left?

…No? Never? Not to anyone?

…Oops. I mean, he's quite qualified to be a great history teacher! …In a…strange…hyperactive sort of way….

Right then. So I was on my way to the teacher's dorms. Once I was inside the building –which was about as big and glamorous, if not more, as the Obelisk dorms, I slowed down a bit. It was so nice and warm in here!

Then I heard footsteps down the hallway. I shied away behind some large ferns and tried my best to keep quiet. …Students aren't generally allowed in the teacher dorms except for emergency cases. …Anyway.

That's when I saw the most horrific sight man has _ever_ seen. I tried to look away…but there's just something about seeing something so terrible that it _draws_ you to look at it, you know?

My heart must have stopped, because I must have surely been you-know-where to see the sight that beheld my poor, abused eyes…. (Seriously, they've seen a bit _too_ much horror lately. What's up with that?)

It was Crowler.

In the hallway.

In his _sleepwear_.

Which might I say consisted of a Victorian-style frilly nightgown.

He was _barefoot._

_Insert Psycho music here_

And…I never though I'd appreciate Crowler _with _his make-up _on_. …For poor souls like these, stores _really_ need to make a make-up department for men so that we few poor creatures who are cursed to travel into that certain section don't get stared, gawked, and pointed at.

I _really_ wished he had his make-up on. Lipstick and all.

_REALLY_. As serious as I love dueling and Ale-

Oookay, right: point being that Crowler was more than butt ugly.

So…moving ahead, he moseyed on along to the bathroom, bleary-eyed and baggy, and I scurried on down to what I knew to be Atticus' room.

It…wasn't that hard to find.

The posters of him surfing and flashing brilliant smiles plastered all over the door gave nothing away. Never.

So I knocked. Surely he was up. The teachers always complained about getting up at five or so every morning for school. Two more hours of sleep would be enough, for sure!

I heard shuffling inside. Success! The door started opening, along with a string of sentences, threats, curses, and stuff I can't repeat here.

"Alright, what the heck do you want? Do you not believe in sleeping-in-?" he stopped short when he saw that I was standing in the doorway. He peered out down the hallway, looked down both ends and pulled me quickly into his room.

"Jaden, what are you doing here? And why are you here at…" he looked at his surfer's alarm clock, "the godforsaken hour of seven AM? Don't you believe in sleep?"

I blinked. Well duh….

Atticus' shoulders slumped, "Stupid question, yes. I mean…do you believe in sleeping past…_eight_ maybe?"

I cocked my head to the side, "Why on Earth would someone want to sleep in later than _eight_? Holy cow, the whole day is shot by that time!"

Professor Rhodes, as he was "professionally" called (we all still call him Atticus) sighed and rolled his eyes. He looked sadly at the clock again and then stretched, grabbing a tank-top on the way and a pair of pants (I don't have to tell you what _he_ wore for sleepwear now, do I? Don't want the female reader's imaginations to get _too_ overwhelmed).

"So," he sat sophisticatedly at his desk chair. By that, I mean he sat on it backwards, resting his head on his arms on the back of the chair. "What can I do for you this fine-"

"I already made an oxymoron today, Atticus," I answered. He looked at me quizzically. I continued. "I came to talk to you about…well…_not_ academics."

"Ah, good. I hate talking about that stuff anyway."

I furrowed my brows, "But…you're a teacher!"

"Doesn't mean I like talking about that stuff on the weekends, does it? No. Right then. Continue with your "non-academic" talk."

I wrung my hands anxiously. "Well, you see," I began so well, "it's…about Alexis-"

"Say no more," he held up his hand. I stared as he stood up and walked over to me. He put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me square in the eye. "You listen well here, boy…. …It's about time! You took your sweet time getting the guts to come around here!" a wide grin split across his face. "You have my complete permission to date her, ask her to dances, kiss her, have sex-"

My mouth dropped open as I went cherry red, "_WHAT?_"

Atticus laughed and punched me lightly on the shoulder, "I'm just kidding about the last part! …Sorta." He saw my horrified look and laughed again, "Seriously, I _am_ kidding. But you _do_ have my permission to-"

"I don't think you understand," I tried again, trying to make my excess heat disappear. For being so cold outside, I should have had this talk with him out there! I would have been warm in no time. "I don't _want_ to date her-"

"What?" Now _he_ looked confused.

I shook my head and held up my hands, "I mean…I don't _know_ if I want to ask her out or anything! That's why I came to you! I thought you might be able to help me sort out my feelings! I just," I let my hands fall as well as my head, "I don't know what to think anymore. My life is spinning before my very eyes."

I felt his hand fall on my shoulder again, "Alright man, I understand. Totally understandable. Guys at your age are often unstable. I can see that you're confused and don't know where to turn. So it's only obvious that you came to me," he gave me a shining smile.

I gulped. I was starting to wonder if this had been a good idea in the first place….

* * *

"Now then," Atticus set down a stack of papers in front of me the next day. He had given me "special permission" –as if that meant anything- to come to his room when directed, in order to take a pointer or fifteen from him.

"I first need to see what you _do_ know about talking with girls like…_girls_. Not the friendly manner: the "I-want-to-date-you-kiss-you-marry-you-get-in-your-pa-"

"I get it," I held up my hand. "Just _stop_ right there." Atticus smirked. What was _he_ laughing at? What was so weird about my behavior?

"Anyway, I want you to take this test _I_ devised-" oh _this_ was bound to be good, "and I have all the best answers down. Depending on your score, we'll see what we need to work on."

"I thought I came here to sort out my feelings…not become a ladies' man."

"And so you did! But we're going to kill two birds with one stone. Honestly Jaden, I really do believe you need some instruction. …You just don't have it in you," he sighed, shaking his head. "Besides," he perked up, "I already _know_ you're in love with her, so just take the test!" he slapped a pencil down on the table and went off to relax on his bed.

"Great…it's Sunday, and I _still_ have to take tests."

"Don't forget you have a test in my class tomorrow," Atticus reminded, picking up his Sports Illustrated magazine.

I bit my lip. Drat, I _had_ forgotten in all this mess! Well, at least History was somewhat interesting. …Not like _Crowler's_ classes. …It didn't help that I would never get that image out of my mind. It would haunt me _forever_. I would never to look at my teacher the same way. Ever. Again.

Still, I took up the pencil and looked at the first question.

_A female is:_

_A) A member of the opposite sex_

_B) Someone to be treated as a friend_

_C) Someone to look at as a potential marital-partner_

_D) All of the above_

I smiled. Hey, this test didn't seem so hard at all! It was obviously D. A and B were right answers (that _was_ the second definition of "sex," right?) and I wasn't so sure about C…but we could only choose one answer, so it had to be D!

Next question:

_If you got a girl you were dating a gift for Valentine's Day, which is the best gift choice?_

_Duel Monster Cards_

_Flowers and/or candy_

_Books_

_Tickets to a Monster Truck Rally_

I put the eraser of my pencil against my chin. This was a tough one…. Books was a definite no, as were the tickets (I had heard _that_ cliché story!). But the cards or the flowers and stuff? Duel Monster cards were _always_ useful. Flowers died after some time, so what use were they? And candy was gone too after eaten. Cards actually _lasted_. So that must have been the right answer! A!

* * *

Forty-Eight Questions and Scenarios later:

"Finished!" I called out, waving the stack of papers to Atticus. He looked up and hopped off his bed, grabbing the stack. "Alright, I'll grade this later…after I get started on your classes' essays-"

"Weren't you going to have those to us by tomorrow?"

"…That's what I _said_…not necessarily what I _meant_…. Besides, grading papers is boring. Except _this_ paper will be exciting! I really want to see how you do! So, I'll have this to you after school tomorrow and I'll talk to you about what we'll do from there! Alright?"

I genuinely smiled, "Sounds good!" This was turning out nicely after all!

"Alright. See you tomorrow, Jay," Atticus ushered me out the door.

"See ya," I waved back. He shut the door and I ran out back to the Ra Yellow Dorm.

* * *

Have you ever noticed that after you learn something of…at least _some_ importance to you, it manages to spring up everywhere? You hear it in _all_ conversations. I swear, people must _always_ talk about what you don't know, and until you learn it, you're oblivious! Then suddenly the doors are thrown wide open and you catch what you've learned _everywhere_.

Let's just say that I was _not_ happy to hear the subject _I _had just learned about being whispered at every corner. And what disgusted me even more was that it was all the guys doing all the talking.

Chazz was right: every male my age _did_ talk about **_that_** all the time.

But I ignored the guys. For the most part. I just turned my head and sighed, wishing the world to be a better place.

School just ended, and I was due to go back to Atticus' classroom to see him about my "test." I was walking along with Syrus when we came up to the door. "Hey Sy, I have to step in here for a couple minutes. Go back without me: I'll meet you at the dorms."

"I'll just wait here-"

"No, no! That's…alright! I don't know how long this will be, so just go on ahead…. You know Atticus…sometimes he goes on and on," I made a couple twirling motions with my fingers and looked at Syrus with a fake smile on my face, hoping he'd buy it.

"You're going to see my brother? Jaden, what freakish idea possessed you to do that?"

I turned around and blinked slowly, "Oh…hey Alexis. Fancy meeting you here."

"So why do you have to go see the biggest ego-inflated man on the planet?" Alexis shifted her books up further against her torso and cocked her head to the side. You know…I had never really noticed how big her chest really was….

Aaaand getting away from _that_ subject!

"He's…helping me with something," I answered.

Alexis burst out into a fit of laughter, "_Him_? _Help_ you? Oh, that's the best one I've heard yet! Tell me…is he telling you how to make the ladies fall about you or something?" she giggled insanely.

I blushed. That was _pretty_ darn close to the mark for a random guess.

A little _too_ close.

I probably should have said something –a denial maybe…_anything_!- because my silence gave way to Alexis ceasing laughter and staring at me strangely.

"…You're not…seeing him to really _do_ that…are you?"

I felt my face grow hotter, "O-Of course not! Why would you think I'd take less-I mean…do something stupid like that?" I scratched the back of my head nervously.

"Seriously, Jaden, why _are_ you going to him?" Syrus butted in. Oh not another one…. "You've been acting weird lately. I got up yesterday at seven fifty-two –count it! Seven FIFTY-TWO- and went to your room and you weren't there! Where were you yesterday morning?"

"I went on a walk," I replied automatically. It wasn't _that_ far from the truth. I _was_ walking.

"Jaden," Syrus narrowed his eyes, "It was _freezing_ yesterday."

"Yeah? Well the cold helps to get your blood pumping," I nodded enthusiastically.

"Jaden, seriously! What's going on?" Syrus pressed further. I was between a rock and a hard space….

"Ah, there you are Jaden! Just the guy I was hoping to see!" Atticus' head suddenly popped out of his classroom doorway. "Come on: you were going to help me sort out some things, weren't you? Get in here. Ah, hello there Syrus…sis," he turned to both respectively and nodded his head in greeting.

"Hey Atticus," Syrus answered.

And before the two knew it, I was behind a firmly closed classroom door.

"Whew," I sighed, walking down the steps towards Atticus' desk, "Thanks. That was getting close there."

"I take it you haven't told Sy about our little meeting yet?"

"I don't think I ever will. No offense…but it's kinda embarrassing, you know?"

"I understand," Atticus nodded gravely. "I understand."

I winced. That did _not_ sound good. "Umm…what does that mean? Was my test…bad?"

Atticus took a deep breath and sat behind his desk, folding his hands and closing his eyes. "Let me put it lightly, my dear Jaden. You need help; and you need it _badly_."

I bit my lip worriedly, "How many did I miss?"

"Forty out of fifty questions…were _in_correct."

My mouth dropped open. I was _that_ stupid? Well…I suppose I was never the greatest at handling women…. But…_forty_?

Atticus suddenly looked up and pounded his desk to get my attention. He sure got it!

"Jaden Yuki: welcome to Atticus' School for the Hopeless. Let me tell you child, you are one _hopeless_ case. You objective is to learn the ways of courting the women and to do so successfully-"

"I though I was here to sort out my feelings-" I tried again, as I had done yesterday.

"Ah, ah, ah! I have _no doubt_ about your feelings! But you need _serious_ help Jaden, and I'm the one who's going to help you! Hopeless Case Jaden Yuki: your lessons begin Saturday: nine o' clock sharp!"

Oh _what_ had I gotten myself into?

* * *

Hey! I was VERY happy with this chapter! I seriously enjoyed writing it a lot! In fact, I really love writing this fic! Now, I know a lot of you were kinda surprised at how naïve Jaden really was last chapter, but it really made the fic more…"believable" persae. But I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! Next time: the _real_ lessons begin! Huzzah! See you then! PLEASE REVIEW! 


	4. Lsn 3: How to Talk to Girls Suggestively

NOTE: Here, I begin my infamous month-setting in the beginning. For those who have read a bunch of my other stories, I tend to post the month/day at the beginning of each chapter, not only to help you, but to help me as well in my organization. :-D Enjoy! I love this story so much….

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX.

**Chapter 4:**

**Lesson 3:**

**How to Talk to a Girl…Suggestively**

_November (beginning)_

Slowly, I peeked out of my door and glanced down both ends of the hall. No one. Good. I guess eight o' clock really is too early for everyone. Go figure.

Still quiet though, I slipped out of my room and tiptoed down the hallway, out of the Ra Yellow Dorms. The blast of cold hit me as I ran outside, and I all but raced over to the teachers' dorms.

Gratefully, I pushed myself into the heated building and took off for Atticus' room.

"Jaden, my man, just in time!" He opened the door widely for me and I stepped inside. I looked around, noting the clothes scattered all over the floor.

"Atticus? …What exactly went on in here?"

"Haha, I'm glad you asked!" He walked over to his closet door and stood in front of it. "Alright, Jay: today's lesson is: How to Talk to Someone of the Opposite Sex."

I furrowed my brows. "Atticus…I already talk to Alexis. …On a daily basis, in fact. I don't need help talking to her."

Atticus sighed, walked over, and placed his hands on my shoulders none too lightly. I almost broke under the weight. "Jay, Jay, Jay…. You talk with Alexis as…" he waved his hand around in the air, "…as a…_friend_. Yes, yes, that's it. You have to talk to her as a _guy_ talking to a _girl_. _Capice?_"

Okay, now I was _really_ confused. What was he implying? Did one of us suddenly get a sex-change? I didn't feel any different….

He must have seen the _utter_ confusion in my eyes, because next thing I knew, I had a _really_ sore spot on my head. "Jaden! You have to talk to her like you want to ask her out! Talk to her…_suggestively_, dang it! Geez, subtly is _not_ something you understand, is it?"

Apparently not, genius. …Anyone on _campus_ could have told you that much. Even I knew that my head was thick!

"Okay," I answered. "…Why?"

Atticus stared at me as if I had just said, "What is the point of dueling?"

Heaven _for**bid.**_

"Jaden. Guy meets Girl. Guy is _interested_ in Girl" Oh great, now he's started moving his hands around in weird, oddly human-figured gestures. "Guy _talks_ to Girl –compliments her, flirts with her, _everything!-_ trying to make Girl like Guy! Girl ends up _liking Guy!!!!_" he shouted at me, shaking his hands dramatically in front of my face.

Watch those fingers there, boy. Potentially dangerous weapons. I, for one, value my eyesight.

"So…you want me to practice flirting with Alexis?"

His smile couldn't have been bigger. I think I was finally starting to get it!

Wait…. _Flirt_?

Oh my God, I was gonna _hurl_.

"Jaden," Atticus put his hand on the doorknob to his closet. "I present to you, _Alexis Rhodes_." He opened the door.

Nope, wait, hold on. _Now_ I was gonna hurl.

"Hey there, big boy," "Alexis" winked at me from the closet. _She_ had a hand on her hip and another on the back of her head in that cliché position that taunting girls are usually in.

Taunting should _never_ be used to describe this situation. It would be sick and wrong.

She slowly started walking over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, batting her eyes up at me.

I stared at the person before me, blandly.

"Syrus, how much did he pay you to humiliate yourself?" A tight red dress, wig, and losing the glasses didn't keep me from knowing who he was in the least.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Atticus stomped over and pointed a finger at me. "It's a test! Start talking! _She_ is not _Syrus_! Don't insult her like that!" He stood back and crossed his arms. "Besides…that boy didn't come cheap. I had to pay extra to have him wake up so early."

"But-"

"_No buts! Talk!_" he demanded.

Fine. If that's the way he wanted to play.

And mind you, I only did this because Sy was my _best_ friend. I couldn't have lived with the embarrassment if it had been _anyone_ else.

Thought I have to admit…I would have paid money to see _Bastion_ wear this dress.

But I digress.

"Oh Alexis, you couldn't possibly know what kind of effect this is having upon my person!"

Yeah for trashy romance novels, from which I steal corny lines.

…Er…romance in trashy mystery novels…. Er.

…That I don't read….

That I just _happened _to find-

Oh forget it. I'm screwed.

I wrapped my arms around Syrus, almost suffocating him, but making sure my hands were placed firmly on his lower back.

Not to say that they would stay there.

Okay, I wasn't actually going to rub his gluteus maximus, but hey, I'm just trying to make a point.

I only made it look _and_ kinda-sorta feel like I was.

That got their attention.

Syrus shoved away from me, putting his hands behind his back. In the _best_ falsetto I've ever heard (has he been _practicing_ that girl's voice? …He's used it before, if I remember correctly…) he spoke hurriedly. "Uh…uhm, Jaden…I just don't think I'm quite ready for such…commitment yet…."

Atticus was up in my face the next instant, with a huge, x-shaped stamp. …Where did _that_ come from?

"FAIL!"

* * *

"What is it with this school and new fashion statements?"

"It's not a new fashion statement, Bastion."

"Well, whatever it is, I actually think I liked the bleached outfits better."

"Bastion…shut up."

"Very well. But I'm not the one wearing a huge red X on my lips."

"_Shut. Up_."

"Tsk, tsk! Someone's grumpy today," Bastion smirked, amused.

Syrus dusted imaginary dust off his hands. "Well, it serves him right for getting fresh with me."

I didn't know human eyes could get that big. …I smell this year's science fair project.

Maybe I could do a double science fair project. One on human eye expansion due to excess surprise, and the other as an autopsy on Syrus, to figure out just how I had killed him in my blind rage.

"He _what_?" Bastion gasped out.

Luckily, I took him off track when he heard the repeated poundings of my head on my desk. "Jaden…are you alright? You're going to give yourself a concussion."

"It'd…be…ow…welcome…_ow_."

* * *

Just how many people are going to know about my special little _sessions_ on the weekend?

"He's doing what now?" Bastion inquired at the lunch table.

"Atticus is giving Jaden Guy lessons," Syrus nodded. "So he won't screw up when he asks Alexis out."

"I never said I was going to ask her out!" I hissed at him.

"Then why did you go to see Atticus at first?" Bastion asked.

"I-! …I…." Hmm…why _did_ I?

Oh yeah! To sort out my feelings! Which does _not_ necessarily mean that I feel _anything_ for Alexis and that I want to ask her out.

Yes…yes, that makes sense.

Sort of.

"I'd be willing to help! They've been playing hard to get for two years now: it's revolting," Bastion rolled his eyes.

_HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE GOING TO END UP KNOWING ABOUT MY LOVE-LIFE?_

Or lack, thereof.

* * *

"Okay Jaden. First of all, you do _NOT_ start feeling up a girl until the _fifth_ date!"

I cocked my head to the side, "Why the fifth?"

"You know! Hold hands the first, cuddle the second, hug the third, kiss the fourth, feel-up the fifth, make-out the sixth, and so on!"

"Who made up that bull?"

"It's not _bull_! It's totally appropriate! It sets _lines_ that _must_ be obeyed! Granted, I probably mixed them up a little…or added some in there and whatnot…but that's how I date!"

"And look how successful that's been."

"Hey, I am _plenty_ popular with the _ladies_."

"Popular, not dating," I observed.

"I hate you."

"Enough to quit this exercise because you know it will help me?"

Atticus smiled that wicked, conniving…_crazy_ smile of his. "No, enough to _make_ you do it, because I know you'll hate it."

Touché.

"Hey, it took a _lot_ to get these photos. I want them used well!"

"Atticus, talking to a photo isn't the same as-"

"Talk! I made my sister as attractive as I could possibly stand to see –it's not easy dressing your sister up in something that's supposed to make her look "sexy," because that's just wrong- so you _will_ talk to these photos!"

"I feel like an idiot."

"You _should_! You can't talk to girls! Only nerds and idiots can't talk to girls."

"I am mortally offended."

"Good."

I sighed. It was no use getting out of this.

"Alright. …What do I do first?"

Atticus clapped his hands together. "Great! Now hold on. Remember, _words only_." He took one of the photos of Alexis and held it up to his face.

Going from Syrus' girly voice to Atticus' was like hearing a slightly annoying tune, which suddenly turned into an absolute cacophony.

Cacophony…didn't know I knew that word.

"Hi, Jaden." I shivered. That was a _sickly_ sweet and _disturbing_ voice.

But I decided to play along. This would be just a regular discussion. "Hey Alexis. How are you today?"

"I'm just _fine_, thank you!" she giggled. My eye twitched. …This discussion was _never_ to be repeated _ever_ again. "How about you?"

"I'm fine. So, have you built up your deck any?"

Alexis laughed. "Oh Jaden, let's not talk about Duel Monsters for once! Let's see…oh! I know. I just didn't know if this looked good or not. Jaden, could you help me decide?"

"Decide on…what?"

Atticus suddenly switched out the picture for one behind his back. "How does this outfit look on me?"

Oh my Lord in Heaven, did the blood rise up in my cheeks. Even I couldn't stop the forces of the almighty hormones.

Holy crap, where _did_ he get that picture? I would trade my _deck_ for th-

_Whooooa_ there, Jaden. Not so fast. Remember? This is just a stupid exercise. _Prove_ that you have no feelings for Alexis, other than friendship.

"I think it's hot."

I suddenly covered my mouth. Angels above, _why_ did I say that?! He'll never let me hear the end of it….

"Excuse me?" Oh yeah. You could tell his interest was piqued. That was a _bad_ screw-up.

"Nothing…nothing. It looks…really nice on you, Lex."

"…I thought I heard you say it looked hot."

Curse him. "I…I…you probably misheard."

"Oh…." He sounded disappointed. …Creepy. "Well, just hang on! I want to show you something else!"

"What?"

"Ta-da!"

_WOW_. Okay, the pretty-skimpy outfit _was_ pretty hot…but the prom dress was just plain _sexy_. The one before showed some skin, but man, do prom dresses show _curves_.

And it was strapless too.

"That is absolutely _stunning_."

"Like what you see?"

"You bet." Oh dang. …That came out too soon. Dang-oh-dang-oh-dang.

"She" laughed again. "Then you'll _love_ the bikini."

I think I felt a nosebleed coming on.

* * *

"So, how did your lesson go?" Syrus asked me at lunch that afternoon.

I groaned and lowered my head, almost meeting my soup face-to-face. "Horrible. Atticus wouldn't quit with the "talking to a girl" junk. I had to talk to _pictures_ of her! Where the heck did he _get_ those?!" I sprang back up, fuming.

Syrus bit his lip, "You liked them that bad, huh?"

"What are you _talking_ about?" I snapped.

"It's written all over your face, Jay. You liked those pictures."

Despite my completely-red face, I denied it.

"Riiiiiight," Syrus gave a Cheshire smile. "And you also hate dueling, is that it? Come on, Jaden, it's a part of life! Live with it and move on. Now then, here's my next question. Did you succeed in what Atticus wanted you to do?"

I looked away from my friend. "Unfortunately…because of my mouth speeding ahead of my brain…yes, I did. I said every stinkin' word that he wanted to hear. …And I wanted to kill myself for it."

"Killing yourself doesn't sound like you, Jaden." I froze. Not…her…now.

"Hey Alexis!" Syrus beamed. I wanted to _slap_ that grin off his face. He elbowed me _really_ hard. The kid makes up for muscle with those _dagger_-like bones of his, gosh!

And then I made the mistake of looking at her as she sat down. Usually, you know, I'm cool with this. She's my friend after all – I can watch her sit! But, of course, Atticus' new lessons have ultimately affected my brain, and I am no longer sane.

But seriously though…how have I known her this long and never really seen how huge her bust is? I mean, come on! There's something wrong with that picture.

"Jaden, is something wrong? Did I spill something on my shirt?"

"Hubbduhhh…n-no, of course not! I-I was just…ah…admiring…how…clean-pressed your che-shirt looks today!" I felt the odd way my mouth was stretching. …And I think my eye twitched.

"Jay, are you sure you're okay?" She put a hand to my forehead. Why? _Why_ did she do that? She's _touching_ me now! Is she _trying_ to make me crack?

"You k-know…I don't really feel that hungry anymore. I'm going to go lie down for a sec," I muttered, practically shoving myself away from her and grabbing my tray. I tripped over the chair, sending it flying down, but didn't bother to pick it up.

I could hear Alexis' last words before I dumped the rest of my lunch and ran out of the cafeteria. "Jaden? Not _hungry_? Now I'm positive something's wrong."

* * *

But I didn't go lie down. I went directly to the source of the problem.

And gave him a red nose in the process.

"Jaden, don't you know how to knock?" Atticus frowned, rubbing his throbbing nose. "And what do you need now? Lessons are next week."

"You," I said, jamming a finger into his chest. "You had the stupid idea of making me learn "how to talk to girls." Well, guess what? It backfired! Now I can't talk to her at all without getting all…all-"

"Stuttery? Afraid you'll say what's actually on your mind rather than what you should be saying?"

I blinked. …Why was he smiling? Why did he look like I just told him Crowler had jumped off a cliff?

"You pass!" he cried out, enveloping me in a _really_ tight hug. "You're on your way to becoming a true man, Jaden!" I pushed myself out of his grasp and took in a huge gulp of air.

"But-" I wheezed, "I thought girls…didn't like "true men." Don't they complain about that all the time?"

Atticus shook his head. "Sure they do! But that's just it! We have to keep them on their toes. It's all part of being the opposite gender…."

I think these lessons are confusing me more than helping me.

"So!" he clapped his hands together. "That was rather unexpected! But good! I already have your next lesson plan ready to go!"

"Oh no…" I winced.

"Oh _yes! _You'll absolutely love it, Jaden! But not now. I'll tell you next week, okay?"

I consented. "Just so long as it doesn't involve Syrus dressing up again. I don't think Bastion could take another shock as big as that one was."

Atticus stopped. "…Bastion knows about our little…lessons?"

I nodded rather uncertainly.

Atticus grinned and rubbed his hands together. "This is getting _too_ easy…."

Yeah, I've learned my lesson. And no, it's not how to talk to girls. It's how to _not_ talk. To Atticus. For fear of giving him any more "bright" ideas.

But…gah, I have to wait a week to know my doom? The anxiety might kill me before the lesson does.

* * *

Alright, not as good an ending as I wanted…but hey, the beginning was good, so that's all that really matters. AND it only matters that I got this out to you! So, I hope you all enjoyed it! Again, sorry for the late update. Anywho, PLEASE REVIEW! I love how you reviewers say you like the fic! It really makes my day! 


	5. Lesson Four: Find Out What She Likes

NOTE: Eep! I know…late update! Sorry! But it's quicker than my other ones…which probably isn't a good thing. But I wrote this quickly as a memorial to last year, when I began this shortly before a school retreat. We're taking that retreat again, so I wanted one more chapter for the bus ride. So, this is dedicated to Brittany and Michael – the first to read this fic. :-D Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! GX.

**Lesson 4:**

**Find Out What She Likes**

…**aka**

**Stalking**

_End November_

"…That's it?"

"Yep."

"There's gotta be a catch. Is there some hidden assignment that you know I'm going to fail?"

"Of course not! I don't work like that, Jaden," Atticus winked.

I rolled my eyes. Of _course_ not. This whole _course_ was full of hidden things! Like Syrus in a dress. That, I would never live down.

"Besides, dear Jaden," he slung his arm over my shoulders and I almost crumpled under his sudden weight, "why should I want you to fail? I _want_ to see you –and ONLY you- with my darling sister, Alexis." He flashed me a smile as bright as a million suns.

I think I might go blind by the end of these lessons.

If there ever _is_ an ending.

…Best not to think like that.

"So all I have to do is find out a majority of what Alexis especially likes, write it all down in a notebook, and give the notebook to you?"

"That's it!" Well, he _seemed_ sincere enough.

I took a deep breath. "Well, that doesn't sound so bad…."

"By the way, Jay…I just wanted to mention that "duel monster cards" is not an acceptable paper. I want the _juicy_ stuff. The stuff she won't even tell her own brother!" He walked around the room, waving his hands around dramatically. "In fact, make it a double assignment! I want to know her _deepest_-" he turned on me with an evil glint in his eyes. I cowered. "-**darkest-**" he advanced on me, and I scrambled back to the wall. "…_secret_." His eyes were now level with mine, and he was nary an inch away from my nose. Awkward much? I don't think this guy understands the concept of personal bubbles.

And then what he said actually hit me (I had been too concerned with his body coming within ten feet of me, simply because, after what he made Syrus do, I wouldn't put it past him to grab me and put me in a dress…or do something of similarly embarrassing nature).

"Wait…I have to _spy_ on her?"

"Oh, don't call it spying," he frowned, waving his hand in my face. He stepped back, thankfully. "More like…stalking."

Oh, because that made it _all_ better.

But he would have no more of my questions. Our time was up, he looked exhausted (though _why_, I couldn't imagine…. All he did was give me some homework. Oh _bleck_ – **homework**.), and he was forcefully pushing me out of his room.

"In fact," he added, before shutting the door, "I want you to write detailed descriptions of what lengths you went through to obtain such information. You never know – some poor soul could one day be in your _very_ predicament. It would be most helpful to see what succeeds and fails. Use-your-imagination-don't-get-caught-you-have-a-week-yadda-yadda-ya, goodnight." And with that, the wooden door slammed in my face.

I felt like crying. I just _had_ to jinx myself, saying this would be an _easy_ assignment. Now, I had to _spy_. Stalk. WHATEVER.

Good God, it was time for a nap.

And it was only 8:15 in the morning. I _never_ go back to sleep this late. Never.

But today, I just wanted to die. Get death over and done with, so it would be so much less painful than dying of embarrassment when Alexis catches me _stalking_ her.

* * *

"Sy, stop laughing…" I whimpered, my lip trembling. Syrus just chuckled harder, but placed his hand over his mouth to try to _seem_ like he was being polite and trying to hide/stop his incessant giggling.

It didn't have much effect.

"Seems as though you're in a bit of a predicament, Jaden," Bastion frowned, holding his chin as he thought. _No duh, what gave you that idea?_ Honestly, my friends sometimes….

"But how am I supposed to know what her "deepest, darkest secret" is?"

"Well, I'm guessing that Atticus means: find out whether or not she likes you. Otherwise, why would he want to know?"

"That's a good point, I suppose…" I answered.

"Anyone have some paper?" Bastion suddenly asked. Syrus nodded and dug into his backpack for a sheet. He tore some out and handed it over to our genius friend, who magically pulled a pen out from his ever-producing vest. He scribbled some short phrases down and then handed them to me. "Here, Jay. Try these first. I have a larger plan in the making, but we can scrap it if these don't help you glean enough information first."

"Gee," I said halfheartedly as I looked over the paper. "Thanks."

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

_**Jaden Yuki's Personal Log**_

_Objective_Find out what Alexis Rhodes likes (and REALLY likes) and find out her deepest, darkest secret (whether or not she likes me?).

_Instructor_Atticus Rhodes_ insert death glares here_

_Accomplices_Syrus Truesdale, Bastion Misawa

**Attempt 1:**

The Direct Approach

_Monday, 11:45 AM – Lunch_

**Jaden**: (_sits down opposite Alexis at an empty lunch table_) Can I talk to you?

**Alexis**: I don't see why not. (_smiles_)

**Jaden**: Awesome. Favorite color?

**Alexis:** Purple.

**Jaden:** Favorite animal?

**Alexis: **(_with weird looks)_ Swan…?

**Jaden:** Wonderful. Favorite food?

**Alexis: **Red Velvet Cake. Why the barrage of questions, Jay?

**Jaden: **Favorite music group?

**Alexis: **Jaden….

**Jaden:** None? Okay…favorite flower?

**Alexis:** Jaden, answer me!

**Jaden: **_Favorite. Flower. Now._

**Alexis: **_(frowns)_ Hibiscus. Now answer _my_ question!

**Jaden: **Any deep dark secrets?

**Alexis:** _ANSWER THE FRIGG-…__**what**__? (blinks numerous times with wide eyes)_

**Jaden: **Right_(abruptly leaves)_

MISSION FAILED. (Well, the biggest part, at least.)

**Attempt 2:**

Instigated Alone Time

_Materials (supplied by Bastion):_ one microphone, well hidden (and can supposedly pick up all sounds within a ten-foot radius); one earphone, well hidden behind giant wall of hair

_Transmitter:_ Syrus Truesdale

_Writer:_ Bastion Misawa

_Poor Sap Who Has No Chance:_ Jaden Yuki

_Tuesday, 9:34 PM_

**J:** Oh no! I think we are lost. (_totally fake surprise)_ And it is getting dark out. Whatever shall we do? (_broken up sentence structure)_

**A:** Uh, Jaden, are you alright? You sound funny.

**J:** Do I? Oh look – a tree! I think I'll climb up it to get a better look at the forest. Hold the flashlight, will you?

**Syrus: **(_into headpiece)_ Jaden, quit talking like that! You sound like an idiot!

**A:** What was that?

**J: **What was what? (_is climbing into tree)_

**A:** That noise. It sounded like the high pitched squeal of a strangled chipmunk.

**S:** _WHAT DID SHE SAY ABOUT MY VOICE?!_

**A:** There it is again! Poor chipmunk! I wonder what could be happening to it?

**Bastion:** Syrus, shut your yap! She can hear you!

**S:** Don't tell _me_ to shut up!

**B:** I'll tell you to be quiet if I want to tell you to be quiet!

**S:** What are you writing _our_ dialogue for?! Concentrate on Jaden's predicament!

**B:** He's still grunting while climbing a tree: what else can I write?

**J:** (_is grunting whilst climbing a tree)_

**B:** There, happy?

**J:** (_with labored breath)_ Hey look! I made it up!

**A:** Do you see any lights?

**J:** Uhhhhhh….. (_whispers_) Sy, what do I say?! I see them, but….

**A:** Jaden, who are you talking to?

**J:** Myself!

**A:** (_implied look of disbelief and fear – simply because I can't see her face)_ …Okay.

**S:** Well, ummm…you could say…uhhh….

**J:** …Alexis? …I'm stuck.

**A:** What'd you do? How'd you get stuck? Do I have to come up and get you? _(exasperatedly_)

**J:** Actually…I think I can jump from here. Just catch me.

**A:** _**What**_?! You're kidd-

**J:** Look out!

**A: **AAAIEEK!!! (_insert strangled sounding "oomph" noise in here)_

**J:** Hey Lex, you okay? Ah, thanks for catching me, by the way.

**A: **No…problem. C-Can you…(_huff)_ get o-off me now? Your laying on me…is rather uncomfortable.

**J:** …But not awkward?

**A:** Wha'?

**J: **Hey look, the lake! (_runs off)_

**A:** Oh thank God…. (_sigh of relief)_ Sometimes I love his ADD moments.

**S:** ADMISSION! Jay, did you hear that?

**J:** Hear what?

**A:** (_walks over) _You heard it too, didn't you? That chipmunk is still out there, isn't it?

**S:** (_goes to cry in a corner)_

**B:** (_gloats)_

**J:** (_sits down by the lake_) Wow…what a beautiful night! Come and sit down, Lexi!

**A:** Shouldn't we be trying to get back to school?

**J:** Nonsense! Whoever heard of trying to _get_ to school? Now it down! (_tugs her forcefully down)_

**A:** Eep! (_voice is suddenly louder – closer?)_

**J:** What's wrong?

**A:** You really don't have any like…personal bubble issues, do you? Nooo, nothing weird about you pulling me down to sit in your lap. Not at all….

**J:** Oh. I was just trying to warm you up, see? It's getting kinda chilly out. (_wraps arms around hers)_ Guess you don't like that. (_pulls arms away)_

**A:** Well, I mean…er…well, you know-

**J:** (_wraps arms around her again_) There. Better?

**A:** …I-…yes. (_relaxes into arms) _You know…it is a pretty nice night outside. I love stargazing.

**J:** Do you now? (_coughs to get emo Syrus' attention)_

**S: **Why did you label me as emo?

**A:** Yeah. I love nighttime. It's just so relaxing and serene. The beautiful stars…the shining moon…. I don't know. There's just something about darkness that's so ethereal…so ideal and…romantic, you know? I-ah!

(_footsteps stop)_

**Chazz: **Oh, sorry. …Didn't know this spot was already taken for the night. Well…come along then, Mindy.

**A:** (_scrambles up_) N-No! It's not like that! I…which way is school, Chazz?

**C:** That way. _(points in some odd direction)_

**A: **Thanks. _(runs off briskly)_

**C:** Tough luck, getting the shaft, slacker.

**J:** …The shaft?

**C:** Oh my God, here we go again. No…no, I won't. Mindy, come on. We're leaving, before any more of my brain is sucked into that black void over there.

MISSION FAILED (again, the main point here).

**Attempt 3:**

The Not-So-Direct Approach

_Thursday, 5:02 PM – Girl's Dorm (aka Forbidden Territory)_

**Jaden:** (_peers around corner_. _Sees Alexis and Co. enter Alexis' room and shut the door. Knows that girl-talk spilling of secrets. Once door closes, tip-toes over to door and pressed ear tightly against it.)_

**Mindy:** Alright girl, what's going on? You seem kinda bummed out lately.

**Alexis:** Aw, it's nothing. …It's just-nah, never mind.

**Other Girl Whose Name Escapes Me:** Just what? Come on! You know you can tell us anything.

**Alexis:** Well…it's just that Jaden's been acting really strange this week. It's worrying me.

**Two Cohorts in Unison:** _Ooooooh._

**Mindy:** Yes, that _would_ bother you, wouldn't it?

**Jaden:** (_perks up)_

**Alexis:** Just what are you implying?

**OGWNEM: **(strangled sigh) You know full well what- (_stops as she opens door.)_

**Jaden:** (_falls flat on face in front of her. Looks up.) _Oh…hi there….

**OGWNEM:** _BOY IN THE GIRLS' DORMS_!

(_numerous clicks from locks)_

**Various Voice 1:** ATTACK THE INFILTRATOR!

**Various Voice 2:** GRAB SOMETHING HEAVY TO BEAT HIM UP WITH!

(_various war cries and stamping feet)_

**Jaden:** (_runs off_) Ahhhh! Girls, is this really necessary?!

MISSION FAILED. UTTERLY.

**Attempt 4:**

The Disguise Attempt…that Ended Up Not Being an Attempt at All

_Friday, 4:21 PM (One day left to find out about Alexis)_

**Bastion:** Jaden, are you ready yet?

**Jaden:** I refuse to come out looking like this.

**Syrus:** Oh come on! I'm sure we can make it happen!

**Jaden:** (_opens door)_ Syrus. There is no way you can make me look like Mindy. Borrow as many wigs, shirts, skirts, and bras you want: it can't happen! …Where did you get this anyway? It's so _uncomfortable_…. (_pulls at bra straps)_

**Syrus:** Uhh…it looks…just like Mindy! Yes…you'll pass fine! Now just remember: when you find Alexis, start acting just like how you see Mindy act. Get her to spill _something_. Any bright ideas, Bastion?

**Bastion:** (_with a "hmmm.")_ …Don't girls shave their legs? Because honestly…that just looks wrong.

**Jaden:** (_slams door shut)_ NO.

MISSION INCOMPLETE..

**Spur-of-the-Moment-Journal-Entry**

An Accidental Attempt 

_Friday, 10:15 PM – the Hot Spring Baths_

I knew it was late, but I didn't care. I knew we weren't allowed to come to the springs after hours, but I didn't care. I was depressed, and I wanted to take a bath, dang it. So I went. Everyone else in the yellow dorm was asleep, so I simply took my leave.

So there I was, relaxing the hot baths with not a care in the world. Okay, well…I did have a care. A BIG care. A care that my neurotic "dating teacher" gave me: and that was the stupid assignment due the next day. I knew I was going to fail the assignment. Why I cared, I don't know. For some reason…part of me _wanted_ to succeed. I dunno. Usually, failure doesn't bother me too badly – not until the final test, where I'm absolutely terrified of failing. But this was no test. Heck, this wasn't even a real class! But I was taking it seriously. (Take note, "Professor Rhodes!")

And suddenly, I heard talking. I jolted out of my half-dead state and listened.

_Women._

No other creature on earth can chatter so much or so much without fear of anyone overhearing.

Suddenly, the door to the springs opened, and I was graced with views of three towel-clad ladies before I ducked under water.

_Crap_. I had gone into that ladies' bath. …You'd think I'd know my way around the school after four years, yes? But no. In my _misery_ insert **EMPHASIS **here!!!!!, I had taken one wrong turn and ended up in prohibited territory. I swam as fast as I could to the safety of the waterfall. Once behind it, I peeked out, wondering where they were. They had settled in the spring now, and I could clearly see that karma, fate, destiny, and whatever other forces are out there that like to mess around with my person, had all screwed me over again. Lo and behold, there sat Mindy, Jasmine (maybe Bastion can't remember her name, but I did! …Why does that matter?), and of course, Alexis.

After getting over the shock of seeing them breaking the rules, I realized I was _in the girls' bath_.

…Shouldn't I reverse that? And yet…the latter _does_ take precedence. Ah, whatever.

Main point is: _I WAS IN THE GIRLS' HOT SPRINGS!_

There are only three ways out of the hot springs. The first is through the front doors. The second is through the lockers. The third is over the giant wall of stone and fake foliage that separates the genders.

There was no way I was going through the doors, so that left the wall.

After calculating how much trouble I would be in if seen, I realized I didn't care, it didn't matter, and that I was still going over the wall anyway. So I ducked behind some artificial ferns, clad in naught but a towel, and waited for my chance to dart to the next bush.

Meanwhile, I heard some most interesting news.

"So how are you and Chazz lately, Mindy?" Jasmine asked, bubbly as ever.

"Oh my gosh, he is _sooo_ charming!" Mindy squealed. "_And_ romantic. We had the _best_ night together a couple days ago. Walking romantically through the woods…passionately kissing…playfully flirting…oh, it was great!" She suddenly was brought out of her reverie. "Say, Alexis…what _were_ you and Jaden doing that night? I mean…you two looked like you were getting pretty snuggly there," she winked at Jasmine.

I took this as the perfect time to start moving. Part of me didn't want to hear what Alexis was going to say. But part of me did.

"It's not like that!" she cried out. "Jaden and I are just friends you two: can't you get that through your thick heads? There is _nothing_ going on between us. No letters, no poetry, no secret love affairs: _nothing_. So quite with all your fanciful ideas and stop bugging me about it! It's just ne-" her words were blocked out to me as I passed near the roaring waterfall on my scaling expedition. I frowned, trying to maneuver into better hearing grounds. Unfortunately, by that time, Alexis had finished what she was going to say.

"If you say so. But _I_ still think it _could_ happen," Jasmine answered.

"Ooooh, think of it! What if he asked you the graduation dance? Wouldn't that be sweet?" Mindy cooed.

"It would be," Jasmine nodded. "But on the other hand…I've been taking your advice lately, Lex, and I've started dismissing Jaden. He-"

Another trip near the waterfall. Curse this darn contraption! And yet, it was what was saving my life so far. I bet it's bad karma to curse the thing that saves you.

I was almost to the top….

"You know what I think?" Jasmine continued. Mindy looked thoughtful and Alexis looked utterly hesitant.

"No, I don't know. And I don't really think I want to," the dirty-blonde answered. I was just one step away from going over…. (Weird how they made this wall so accessible. …Was it built that way for a reason? …What _pervs!_)

"I think_ Aster_ would make a _much_ better match."

I jolted upright, shocked by what I heard. And suddenly, I felt my towel snag on the branch of the ferns, and I wobbled on my stone ledge.

And before I knew it, I was back in the water, but with a serious stinging sensation on my back.

"What was that?!" I heard Mindy cry out, though slightly muffled. Yes! I had made it to the other side! I ran out of the pool and through the front doors, running straight for the dorms. But I had only just made it to the threshold when I heard another screech and a, "Look! There's a _towel_ up there!"

And thus I ran stark naked back to the dorms in the dead of night.

_Thankfully_ the dead of night.

Why did I write this? Not for your viewing pleasure, Atticus. Quite the contrary. I expect at LEAST a B for this – after all that embarrassment and the information I practically gleaned from her, it's only natural to deserve a good grade! So there are some secrets…maybe…and a lot of likes…and…yeah. Enjoy.

**LIKES**:

Duel Monsters (couldn't leave that one out)

Purple

Swan

Red Velvet Cake

Hibiscus

Sitting in Jaden's lap

Stargazing

Nighttime

Romance-related things

(Aster???)

**DISLIKES:**

Squealing chipmunks

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------

Monday morning, I walked into Atticus Rhodes' class, having completely forgotten about the assignment. I slumped over to my seat and promptly laid my head down on my books, ready for my next nap. (Our previous class had been Crowler's – that was an especially relaxing snooze.)

Imagine my not-surprise when Atticus suddenly called out, "Jaden, my boy! Can I talk to you for a minute?" Suddenly remembering that I had turned that godforsaken "journal" in, I looked up blearily and made my way lazily over to his desk. He brought me out into the hall and closed the door. Atticus then pulled out my notebook and handed it to me with the widest beam on his face that I've ever seen.

My confidence leapt up. "Did I actually pass something?" I hastily took the notebook and flipped to the last page:

(**D**)

1. Missions all failed completely

2. But you DID manage to put her into some uncomfortable positions: nice job.

3. AND, you entertained me. That's what this whole assignment was about. An **A+** for effort!

-Atticus Rhodes

I looked up at him, astonished. "_That's_ why you gave me this assignment? To _amuse_ you?"

"Pretty much!" he smiled again, laughing. "Why do you think I wanted to know Alexis' deepest secret? I'm in this for the amusement! I didn't have any other lessons planned, so…yeah. It's all about _me_ having fun. I mean, hello Jaden, this was a _pointless_ assignment. Come on: write down what she likes? Give me a break! Of all the stupid assignments…. But hey, you did it, and now I have a favorite ten-page novella to read. So if you'll just give that back-" he snatched it out of my hands, "I'm going to have some more laughs while you all work on your busy-work." With a smirky-smirk that was just too…_smirky_…he straightened up and went back into the classroom.

I stood there and fumed.

It was official. Atticus Rhodes was the most conniving, diabolical, two-faced, dubious, _evil_ person in the entire universe. He had Sartorius' "dark" side beat.

I mean, a stupid and embarrassing assignment – that's pretty sneaky.

But _busy work_? That's just plain _evil_.

* * *

…Yep. A filler chapter, it seems. Well, too late, now that I've written it. I think it WAS supposed to have some significance…but it ended up not. Mainly just for laughs (did it even have any of those?). Sorry if it stunk…writing in script-format for most of it was pretty tiresome. But I still hope you enjoyed it! But next chapter, I PROMISE will have an actual plot line. I have the whole story vaguely outlined…and the next chapter looks pretty promising. Anywho, PLEASE REVIEW! I probably don't deserve them (for lack of updating and a not-so-good chapter), but…it would be REALLY appreciated!

PS: Sorry, I had this ready Thursday morning, but I've been unable to post since then. And I know there's at least one mistake in here (grammar error), but I can't find it, so…yeah. Thought I'd let you know. Anywho, REVIEW PLEASE:-D


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